When I was around the age of six, televangelist were at their peak. I remember eating my breakfast, eyes glued to the TV, while the latest TBN guest told me all the steps needed in order to get my heart’s desires met by God. I had a whole list of things I wanted to pray for, but thought it best to focus on one at a time.
I was the baby of the family and the only girl, with three older brothers. Number 1 on the list, I no longer wanted to be the baby or the only girl. I am not sure who or where I picked up the idea that if you weren’t specific enough in your prayers, God might get confused and give you the wrong thing. As if God isn’t omniscient, knowing what’s in my heart and mind better than I know myself.
I remember pondering the exact words to use to make sure God understood exactly what I was asking for. I wanted a sister close to the same age as me so we could be best friends, and I would have a built-in companion. However, she had to be a little younger than me so that I wouldn’t be the youngest anymore. It’s important to note that I was adopted, so I wasn’t asking for a crazy miracle of my mom somehow having some medically mysterious pregnancy, granting me a sister that would be close in age. Adoption would be the way to go. I wrote down my prayer asking God to send me a sister with a birthday close to mine. (If I said little sister, God might send me a baby sister, and that’s NOT what I wanted).
I prayed this prayer for my sister for 2 years, with no reply. When year 3 came around once again, after listening to whatever televangelist my mom had on, I found the reason that God had yet to answer my prayer. I was lacking faith. Back to the drawing board I went, and now in little 8-year-old Haley’s mind, what better way to show that I truly had faith that God would do what I asked for than thanking him for the sister that I knew He would send, and that’s exactly what I did. I began praying, Lord, thank you for giving me a little sister with a birthday close to mine.
Shortly after I turned 9, my prayers were answered…well, sort of. My parents adopted a little girl whose birthday was February 21st; my birthday is February 26th, can’t get much closer than that, right? The only problem was that she was 9 years younger than me.
However, could I really blame God? I was warned that if I wasn’t careful with my words, He might get it wrong, and after further examination of my prayers, I realized that I should have just said a little sister who was close in age to me. Hindsight is 20/20, right? While everyone talked and celebrated the answered prayer of little Haley, who displayed such faith and got her little sister, a core belief had developed in my heart that would follow me for over a decade.
Most people believed that it must have strengthened my belief and faith in God and the power of prayer, and yeah, it did, but a sinister belief hitched a ride into my heart that. That belief that was nestled into a secret hiding spot in my subconscious was that God really doesn’t know me or understand me. He was confused by my prayer because He didn’t know what was in my heart. This lie slipped in beneath the surface and went undetected by me for a long time. More and more situations occurred during my childhood that would affirm this belief, feeding it without my knowledge. However, God did know what was in my heart and mind better than I did, and He had a plan all along.
I share this short, story from my childhood to show an example of how those of us who have grown up in the church, learning scripture and fully believing in the power of God, sometimes (I would even go as far as saying more likely than not), have picked up core beliefs that effect our view of God and perception of the world our self-worth and identity that remain hidden in our subconscious. These beliefs can be damaging and create a block in our hearts from fully accepting the love of God that He desires to shower upon us.
I encourage those who have grown up in the faith and those who are new to spend some time in prayer. Ask God what beliefs may be hidden in your heart that do not align with His word. If or when any are revealed to you, take some time to study scripture and seek God for the truth, and don’t be afraid to ask a friend for help. Godly counsel and good friends in Christ are incredibly beneficial for our growth, reminding us of what’s true.
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